Well if this isn’t a fitting topic then I don’t know what is. Everyone has a past and everyone has those parts of your life that you just want to keep hidden forever.
Everyday situations from my past play a part in my decisions and how I approach the present. The truth is that you can try to escape your past but it will not work. You can constantly envy other people’s lives from a far but without accepting your own history then how will your life get any better?
If you accept it then nobody else can use it against you – I promise you.
People constantly used to tell me that moving schools wouldn’t change anything – but I wanted a new routine, new faces and distance. I stubbornly went on to do what I wanted and yes it has helped my mental health but at the same time I know it hasn’t. The lasting effects of the actions of some people may always be with me however the difference is that I know that I can’t let them define my life anymore. I am allowed to move on and I am allowed to be happy without them. I don’t blame myself for their actions anymore. I deserve to be living my life to the fullest and I cannot let people influence my own development out of fear. Once I accept my past and take it on board as part of my own story with many lessons to learn from then I know that I will be okay.
A fresh start meant that I got to create a new version of myself – the one I have always seen myself as and I wanted to be seen as to others. It felt so amazing. I also thought that I was exempt from everything bad because I have already had my so called struggle however that is probably the most childish attitude I have ever had because trust me; life keeps throwing things at you but you can handle all of them. My favourite book by Robyn Schneider is called ‘Severed Heads, Broken Hearts’ and it discusses this concept in so much detail and I would completely recommend it.
Ever since year 10 I have suffered with my mental health however mental health is deceiving. You think you’ve moved on by pages and chapters but suddenly one night you just end up experiencing everything all over again – and this time it feels as if it is 1,000 times worse because you are just so shocked its happening when you have made so much effort to distance yourself from it. The only way to move on is self-acceptance.
Please start each day knowing you have a fresh start and you can change the direction of your life at any time as soon as you acknowledge the place you are at now.
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
By Simmy Hoonjan