The words in which

I once shared

with a crumpled

piece of paper

revealed more about

my inner most thoughts

than what has ever come

out of my own mouth

 

The blistering navy blue of the pen

smudged

with the salt water running down

my puffy cheeks

 

Short-breathed

clutching my heart

as I fell to the floor

I cannot begin to recall

that night

 

A distorted crack in time

I do not want to remember

for I fear the worst

and I know the end is coming

 

My demons tried drown me

in an ocean of self-doubt

the tide swept me

under his vicious depth

and anxiety called an order

for the water to be frozen

whilst I was trapped

descending

sputtering

breathless

blank

 

Gasping for air on the floor

as I read my own words

my sweet girl

what did you do to yourself

 

Bruises hid beneath your skin like

sunken submarines

cuts sunk into the surface

like imprints in the sand

precious girl,

your skin was as fragile

as the remains of your consciousness

I want to protect you

 

If I could

I would go back

and tell you how it all plans out

you are fighting the storm

when you were

the first drop of rain

in the hurricane

to begin with

an uphill battle with yourself

and the demons you created

 

My brave girl

grab your armour

gather your unapologetic courage

and throbbing heartbeat

the blood running through you

will get shed in the battlefield

but you will survive

and you will come back

fighting

stronger

resilient

alive.

 

By Rachelle Cox