we were never solidly joined though you spent two years offering chains
I thought it was because I didn’t want to be jailed
caged as you fed me flowers and knives
a label wouldn’t change what we felt and it need not define how we felt it
but a year from our split we were awkwardly smiling and I said you could do as you wished
because in our time apart I’d forgotten you’re feel
because I had felt worlds away
and all our friends would tell me to try to go again
and I enjoyed hearing that you’d loved me and maybe that you still did
from mouths which were not yours
because it seemed more pure and fragile
that you couldn’t tell me and leave me able to shatter all
and though I told them ‘no’ it made me happy to see
that it was your world that had revolved around me
and that all along it had been you in the cage even though you growled in anguish
and bit off my fingers as I fed you knives and flowers
but then we met again and our friends didn’t plead with me to be the shining moon in your sky
and as I rotated around you seeing you united with her
I realised then that I had been the jailer
not for love of you but for me
so I could sit and watch you eat my knives and flowers
and smile as they cut and caressed you
and so that you would always crawl to nourish me even if others had done so already
and I tried to put away my knives and flowers when I saw that you had broken free
and now I wondered if I’d have liked the taste of your fingers through metal bars
but it was too late
so I sat inside the broken cage and locked the door shut with my fingers
and hoped
and begged
that you might come back to feed me your knives and flowers
my favourite lovers snack
By Louise Lennon