I think I have finally realised where I have been going wrong all this time.

Every boy that’s been mine has been ‘mine’ for a different reason.

He was the cigarette.

He was slowly burning out my lungs with lethal love, scorching away at my emotions and wilting them down one by one like limp, lifeless petals, hanging on by their stem.

He was simply toxic.

A poison that was coursing through my veins

Tearing away at any life that was left in my body or any trace of character that was left in my mind.

It wasn’t love

It was torture; it was possession.

You don’t damage someone to prove that you care for them.

It doesn’t work that way.

Things were gradually becoming more complicated as time went on.

For the majority of our relationship, the touch of your fingertips on my skin made my insides light up like a ferocious fire.

Clearly, your love is the only thing that I desired.

I knew by this point that you were no good for me, but I couldn’t deny that obvious spark

I couldn’t deny that obvious chemistry.

Why couldn’t I seem to resist?

Every time we kissed, you left me wanting more.

Craving your touch

Lusting after the taste of your lips

Feeling your hands caress the curves of my hips.

You were different.

You weren’t like the others.

It seemed to be real, true love.

You came along at just the right time when I needed saving.

Right when I desperately needed someone to come along and save me.


Yet again, everything went pear-shaped after a while.

When you were in her presence, nothing else seemed to matter.

You were always dominated by the thoughts that she smothered you with.

Could you not see that she was pure poison?

Coursing through your soul

Destroying your dreams

As far as she was concerned

You belonged to her

You supposedly adored her

Spoilt her with envious affection

Shouldn’t that have been me?

Shouldn’t that have been me playing with your hair?

Shouldn’t that have been me cherishing you with love

Covering you in kisses?

One day you will realise,

One day you will see

All she ever wanted was to cause harm

All she ever wanted was to harm me

By Jade Millard, Photo by Rachelle Cox